"Oh, I almost forgot how great my life actually is!"
Does this happen to you too?
Do you find yourself complaining about all the things going wrong in your life, and then have to remind yourself of this too? If so, you are in good company. It's not because you are a negative Nelly. No, it's your brain doing its job to keep you safe, but it hasn't quite adapted to life outside of the cave yet.
Get Your Head Straight
Lately, I have been talking a lot about the "Thought Model" or the "Self-Coaching Model," or the "Get Your Head Straight Model," as Brooke Castillo likes to put it. She created the model for us to understand how our thinking effects every part of our lives.
If you have missed my last blogs, emails and Live Community Coaching Calls on Zoom (so much fun!) and you don't know about the model, check out the Magic 8 Ball post.
But a quick review:
THERE ARE FIVE COMPONENTS: CIRCUMSTANCE, THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, ACTIONS, AND RESULTS.
It cascades -
- Circumstances are neutral.
- Your thoughts about the circumstance are what make you feel what you’re feeling.
- Your feelings drive your actions.
- Your actions create your results.
A lot of my clients that have been working with the model think, “Ok I know this already, I get it, my thoughts effects every aspect of my live. So why am I still running into tough challenges?”
The other day I was talking to a coach friend and she was helping me untangle something. Something I thought was not such a big deal, but turns out really was. It’s the thing I love about coaching. I use the same tools in my life, every day, that I teach and use with my clients.
Being uncomfortable can afford you the life you really want to live.
I do not live a perfect life, but I do live so much more of my life than I used to. Because I do my work. I use the tools, I manage my mind and I dare to get uncomfortable. For the sake of living the life I WANT to live.
Don't settle for ordinary, reach for the extraordinary life you "really" want. It's waiting for you, just on the other side of fear.
A lot of us make very good lives for ourselves. But we don’t always reach deep into the place where our dreams live and pull those out along the way. It’s so understandable. But it’s not acceptable. :)
You deserve to live the life you came here to live.
To do “the thing” you’ve always wanted to do. And if you’re not doing it, and you’re afraid or you’re unclear, taking a step a day and doing a thought model a day will put you down the road to your dream faster than you can take in.
Is your “auto-pilot” serving you?
Even when we are on the road we want to be on, we’re still going to do some of the same old tricks in our brain, because they are habit. That's all.
Not because there is something wrong with you. Actually, really, because there is something right with you. Your brain is working EXACTLY as it should by defaulting to old habits and thoughts as you walk your walk. Let me share an example from my life –
Even knowing that my life circumstances don’t create my feelings, I STILL find myself convinced they do. Until I look closer.
I’ve been living in France for almost 3 months now. A big dream of mine. I had to juggle many, many details to make this possible in the middle of running a business. And while I did that, all I could think was about how excited I was to get there. How being in France was a dream come true. How much I loved to travel because it has me living very present in the moment and experiencing the many ways to live our lives.
What you expect to see you will. Good and Bad. Why not look for the Good then?
So I get here and the first month I had a bad, bad cold, I spent more time indoors than out and I essentially stayed in my apartment most of the time. This is the OPPOSITE of what my plan was. Of what I yearn for.
Somewhere along the way I got sidetracked and focused on the thought, “everything is so hard.” And I went into auto-pilot without realizing it and my brain went to work to prove that to me.
Unintentional Thought Model:
| Circumstances | Living in France for almost 3 months |
Thoughts |
Everything is so hard |
Feelings |
Defeated |
Actions |
I don’t go out as much by myself Work more Ruminate about, “should I be doing this anyways” A lot of inaction – when I should go to the market, don’t go. Just eat what I have and just go at the very last minute Avoid going into the city because I don’t want to try and park my car in a tiny tiny spot (I'm an LA girl—lot's of parking everywhere—this is unusual for me) Don’t take risks Focus on what is scary |
Results |
Everything does feel like a struggle and I’m not having as good a time as I should |
Get focused on your "Why," it takes you straight to the heart of the matter.
So back to exploring my thinking with my colleague. When we completed my first model, I started laughing. At myself. And kind of at life. Of course everything was feeling difficult with my current mindset. Next we explored “Why do I travel?” Why does it matter so much to me? Putting me in connection with the deeper, soul level need for travel. Once I did that, I was reminded of the real reason I know travel matters. Then we turned to building an Intentional Thought Model.
Intentional Thought Model:
| Circumstances | Living in France for almost 3 months |
Thoughts |
I really want to enjoy France |
Feelings |
Excited |
Actions |
Go do something I really want to do instead of shrinking away from it Doesn’t even matter the hard part: parking, driving, not speaking the language, the amount of time it takes me to shop and figure out what it is that I am actually trying to find—like nail polish remover—that was a challenging one I just do it much more exploratory |
Results |
Get to have all sorts of fun experiences that are part of the reason I think travel is so great. |
Live your life on purpose!
This work creates freedom. It helps you get to know yourself, and helps you learn how to create your life ON PURPOSE. Instead of by default. It’s a skill you apply over and over and it becomes easier, more natural to catch what you’re thinking is doing.
Life will always have peaks and valleys, even when you’re living your dream, you’re gonna work hard and you’re gonna have times you THINK “it just isn’t working.”
And THAT’S the very place you sit down, use The Thought Model, and explore what’s going on up there in your brain.
We are always right where we need to be.
And we are always one thought away from having a good day. :)
Don't forget to join me for my next Free Live Community Coaching Call on Zoom!! (Register now!)
