Tiffany Goyer, MA, RYT, merges her vast education and experience as a life Coach, Therapist, Counselor, Practitioner of Neuro-Emotional Technique (NET) and study of Yoga therapy to bring together a wealth of healing modalities to synchronize the body, mind and spirit.
How to Singlehandedly Improve any Relationship
Do you have the confidence to set boundaries and be assertive? We’ve talked about patience and allowing space for change, but we all know that sometimes no amount of waiting and hoping will work. We know deep in our gut when lines have been crossed, and when certain behavior is unacceptable to us, we must create firm boundaries.
2020 has taught us many lessons, and I think at the heart of them is patience, persistence, and courage. We’ve had to wait…and wait…and wait.
We’ve had to deal with being away from friends and family, keep our spirits up when they may be really low, and have faith that things will eventually get better. I know some of you are really struggling with this. It’s pretty obvious why you might struggle, but what if we shift the lenses a bit?
One issue that comes up repeatedly in troubled relationships is a lack of validation—of not feeling heard or supported. We all have a deep need for connection. We crave feeling understood, listened to, and valued.
Validation is a powerful tool that can soothe emotions during arguments, allay fears, open lines of communication, and cement bonds. And it doesn’t mean agreeing with someone you disagree with just to make peace—it simply allows space for their perspective and feelings.
Do you know what most conflicts in a relationship boil down to? POWER and CONTROL. Yep, that’s the truth of it at a foundational level. This constant push-pull creates so much tension in relationships and can degenerate into an endless loop. But what if you could stop the merry-go-round and do something that would actually be more empowering for you and for the relationship? You can. You can experiment with “Flipping the Script.”
So how was your complaint-free week? Were you able to refrain from complaining? Did you notice any changes while your mind was open, but your mouth was shut? How are you feeling? Are you mad? I bet anything that you’re PISSED.
It may be tough to admit, but staying quiet, stuffing down those complaints, and “letting things go” probably made you mad. And you may still be mad! So what do we do with all that anger?
I’ve had several readers reach out to ask how to handle relationships where you’re “in it by yourself”—when you’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t interested in couples therapy or couples coaching or working on interpersonal dynamics.
How do you move forward alone? Are you expected to just throw the whole thing out the window if it isn’t working? Can you really create change by yourself?
